Today, we're doing our funny my daughter when she said she wanted to be a transformer for halloween. Oh no, damn that's really good. She doesn't seem very happy at the risk of sounding incredibly sexist. I didn't know girls liked transformers or wanted to be transformers.

I always thought that was like a little boy thing you know, but because you guys don't play with toy cars. Some girls love toy cars. Some boys love barbie dolls. What if your son was like father, i want to be ariel, you do you with double d's.

Go for it but you're, not my son you're. My daughter, mark zuckerberg is using barbecue sauce as a book stopper. That's a true baller move right. There did he make like a whole like barbecue tutorial.

We are live from my backyard. This is when everyone discovered he was a robot smoking, a brisket and some ribs, because the way he speaks is so weird, i'm the meat chef yeah. I don't think it's the eye yeah right smoking meats earlier there's there's like no emotions, just i'm looking forward to that. Today we got so weird, it's so delayed.

I invented the cold shower shield the effortless way to block the initial burst of cold water. When you first get in the shower next time, you need to freshen up simply fold down this safeguard and turn on your faucet as the frigid water begins to stream out, the perfectly sloped barrier will redirect all of the rushing water as you patiently wait for your Ideal temperature then lift it back up and you can pleasantly get on with your business. I think this is smart. I think people would buy it.

I would hope you would make the design a bit more attractive. Just this like, yellow shovel plus, like sometimes you have to like reach over and like quickly get out of the way right. If the shield were up, you are expertly checking the heft and balance of decorative replicas of cartoon swords. So just stop.

I feel like like sword experts, just they got ta like flex their knowledge like when they see that they just got ta like tell their friends like check it out, like i know, what's wrong with it like. Maybe some whiskey experts will do that, like with some drinks they'll just twirl it around, even though it's some like shitty shitty drink, the shaft is very shaft. I forget the shaft. What are the terms they use? It's, not the shaft.

What was it? Diss tracks were savages in 1700s, my mill grinds pepper and spice. Your mill grinds rats and mice the burn. This is a little plebe little plebeian. What's his rap name? What's this guy's draft name ginny wait now i want a rapper's name to actually be called little.

A little pizza so just chill out, you know, drink a seven up, eat a moon pie quit murdering people. That's some good advice. Quit murdering. I agree.

I agree wholeheartedly like i drink sprout only so you're you're right. Why am i murdering people? I could just eat a moon pie. I could just chill out what yeah that's what they said to the school shooter chill out just chill out. Oh, it's futurama.

I love that episode. Have you seen this one? No, what happens? Oh, it's! The saddest story in the world, i cry every time he's waiting for his owner who died his owner died, but he just waits outside there every single day and night, even as he's freezing. I cried too, when i was a kid watching this and then he just dies. I think no.

Why is i think this is what turned futurama into legendary status genie? Try, making a frog cake for my boyfriend. I think he's gon na leave me. Oh i like it. This makes me wan na vomit end their pain and my pain.

Please, oh, how did you did you make the cake out of frogs or something like what is this yellow? That's what i was saying. What is that the slime of frogs? You know when the burger will be way too expensive. Oh yeah! No, it just looks like one of those like hipster artists in burger places. I don't like those burgers very much, i'm more of like uh, like a mcdonald's five guys, even in and out, i don't even like it that much like i like the classic stuff.

You know like this guy he's gon na start. Putting like you know, mushroom onion relish. That's that's exactly the kind of burger this guy would make was at my kids school for a costume parade. One dad missed us, understood it in the best way possible.

Oh, he dressed up for the yo. Oh that's so cute! It's the dad of the year award. I wish to be like that dad. You know once you're an adult still have a child's soul within you a little bit yeah.

I would be so embarrassed. I would go home, it'd, be like a mistake, so my parents own a restaurant, and this is their latest food pick of stuffed chicken breasts for their socials. Should i let them know no child? I think they know what they're doing. I have no idea how they made a chicken breast looks so close to vaginas.

To be honest, that takes some actual skill. My best friend forever's mom tried to glue vampire teeth on a pumpkin. Don't stick your dick in that? Do you think she left this outside? For the kids to see, i hope not like i said and me you know i'm 56 years old. Damn i'm sorry, i'm sorry because it was a thought.

No, no seriously. It was a thought. I can sit up here and honestly say buddy. That was from a place of love, got it.

Oh, that was from like damn you didn't. If we could play it back right now play back. These are two different dams. Playback there wasn't! No.

I said there was no like wow. I said damn no. You said the word damn. Do you want me to tell you how you said it? I know how i said it.

You want me to say it back to you, how i think you said it, what damn not not sure fam, not true fam, i said kevin. I said: damn it no every time you said it now, it's gotten quieter and quieter. I could barely hear you that last time when you said it well, that means that you can barely hear the truth. Who has the problem here? What's the problem? Can we listen to his original? No i'm 56 years old? Damn i'm sorry kevin! No! That's like a loud enough to interrupt the guy.

How old is kevin hart he's 42. he's not that young either they they both look pretty young for their age yeah, something about celebrities. Turkeys have a wicked sense of humor a shortage of poultry. Oh i'm really hurt yeah from time to time.

You know the usual. Now, whenever i can, they believe that too one time i actually did floss like pretty religiously the whole way through to the next appointment, really what they say. He said your teeth got worse and then the next time i was with my dental hygiene some days. I don't brush my teeth.

I was like wow, i've been so lazy about it. I go back. You know what the dentist said. Wow you've been really taking care of your teeth.

I think there's something wrong with your dentist's genie. Today was dress-up day at work for halloween my co-worker everyone. She didn't have to go that hard for halloween. Oh, my god, i will wash your hair now dude, that's so uncomfortable just to be eric cartman i'd, love that.

Why is it that all dogs seem to know what this means wait? Did you just say it's so simple. Just stop! Stop doing that. My kids inherited my childhood toys and, while only my daughter wants to play with dolls action, man is now living the sweet life. He's retired now you know he has kids and he has a tiara.

That's a door very immersive. Would you pass your toys down to your kids? I don't know i feel, like my toys are like shitty and outdated. Now like they, they have to have better toys. These days, right, yeah and those toys are mine.

So get your own, oh get your own okay! Actually i have to get it for them. So i'll get you your own, my netflix not confused in the best way possible. It's good game. My team said we were dressing as dominoes and he was oh.

He looks like a fat ass now because everyone thought of the board game and he thought about pizza. But honestly, if someone told me dressing up as domino's, i feel like, i was thinking of pizza too. The entire kitchen and wait staff saw an ice cream truck and ran outside, leaving me alone in the restaurant. Ten minutes later, they all came back with ice cream.

Cones, i still can't believe this actually happened. My life was forever changed after that moment, i wouldn't really get mad at that. Like was he the only customer here as well, leaving me alone yeah. Well, then, that's why they got ice cream because it's not like they're busy or anything can't play a squid game.

Oh damn he's really good the butt yeah. Honestly he did way better than like the actual contestants. I mean it's literally in their genes to predate on you and kill you while you're, not looking student, you made it hard, so i'm gon na make it hard to check. Oh, so that's one where the is two two dude, the teacher's literally just gon na fail.

You because you can't find the answers. Two three like you're, the teacher like when you just failed him. If your professor actually grades that fairly, then he is an angel and you're an ass yeah, re-watching varsity blues. What are those jeans? Those are boyfriend jeans.

Why do people think like that, actually look good? It makes your legs look long. No, it makes it look shorter, because they're fatter, this guy, looks like his tree trunk legs. How does that look slip? Those are slim legs genie. Part of my job at my university is to supervise students like this.

We were founded on february 1st 1809 and that's the first of many dates that i've been on. We don't use the term freshman here because it has negative connotations. So here we say first year it's pretty natural to me at this point to use an ascendance for example. Last year i was a first year now i'm a sophomore or no.

I can't have any of that because i'm a first year - and so are you uh? What do you mean? Who cares how about the law? Well, i'm not having any, and if you are, then maybe we shouldn't be ruining. Why does she always want to cry? I know she's. Those are two examples of how you can use first year in a sentence here, we'll stop for a quick break. This is what college tour guide.

Sir. My tour guide wasn't like this really yeah. Okay, i don't know i i looked up to my tour guides. I i thought they were like really like mature, really funny.

It's like oh wow, like maybe i'll, be able to be like cool like him in four years. You know that's what i thought about my tour guide. Only two types of wipers the stand, wipe and the sit, wipe fun fact they're, both unaware of the other's existence. No, i i know the existence of both yeah.

I i think i do like both of them. I think i sit wipe because if you stand right, your butt cheeks are together, so it wouldn't really help in the wipe. Can i tell you like a really noah story? One of my childhood friends, like would do the stan wife and there's this one time where i think he saw like attached to his ass and then just dropped on our floor. And then i think he had to tell like my mom or something and she had to go in and like clean the off her floor.

I never saw that guy, like the same after that, oh my god, my nose, i was like bro you on my floor. Dude you on my bathroom floor, this teacher projects his face during exams. Big brother is watching okay. What will be more freaky is, if the eyes shifted that does kind of deter you from cheating, though right yeah yeah.

You could turn this in the squid game. Put cameras in there when it's attacks, you're cheating, just like shoots with a laser okay: okay, let's not kill kids. My stake by came out canadian south park reference. She crashed you're, not my friend buddy, i'm, not your buddy you're, not my pal friend one day.

I will be that fast. Oh, that snail is like wow. Do you think they look at everyone just feel jealous? How does it feel to be like the slowest thing on earth? They must live, live their lives in constant fear and depression. My brother got this pizza in rome.

What italy that's hilarious, it's italian lunchables genie. Maybe this is what they call the the uh american pizza. Ah, oh it's! This is for kids, it's still, though. Yes, why is it that, like just because people are kids? That means we should give them shittier food.

Like i don't i don't get it. Let's normalize giving kids real food genie shut up. Don't you ruin this? For me, oh wow looks like her uh house is, haunted, huh, better call the ghostbusters, or maybe she just likes playing with it. That was addictive, like if i'm stressed i just feel like.

Was it yeah? You want that lamp off genie? Is that what you want to do all right? That's it for our funny make sure to leave like for women just having a little bit of fun and exploring themselves alright. Thank you. So much for watching we'll see you next time, peace, bye, yeah! That's why i don't understand, stand wipers, because if you stand wipe you're, not gon na get all the off your butthole, you still spread them cheeks. You know you made me miss my eyes.